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Finally I’m moving October 28, 2008

Posted by muddleheaded in Uncategorized.
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……to Blogger. I couldn’t let go off WordPress but it has created so many impediments in so many things… I felt so contrained here. So finally I take courage to try something new…

Here is the link to my blogger. Please update your blogrolls :)

http://muddleheadedsblog.blogspot.com

See you there.
Cheers.

Delusion October 27, 2008

Posted by muddleheaded in Poems.
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1 comment so far

In my mind I fancied

To incite I proceeded

To the old serpent which

With legions I defied

But vanquished and pillaged

Plundered and exhausted

Why a remorseful pain??

I’m tarnished as I itched

Genocidal for all of you

Nought! but which have been I

By disowning myself

Unchained I thought be I

Delusion; how big ’twas

Astonished have been I

As you still stir like the wind

Stirs the ashes which am I

Eating, Puking and Ruminating October 23, 2008

Posted by muddleheaded in Creative Arts.
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7 comments

Writing for me is a window to the outer world. A passage through which I can communicate at my best and whenever I don’t write I feel it stifling. It’s a shame for me whenever sometimes I can’t write somehow. It becomes comparable to having a weak or no libido at all. I feel myself unable to fulfill the desire – feel so useless. And if I were a woman I would feel myself barren, infertile and sterile – so incapable of producing reproducing children. It’s more than reproducing in fact. It can be like goods manufactured in a factory. Rather it’s more like eating absorbing a great deal of things happening around me – trying to digest them and in being unable to do so, puking them out on to paper. May be the feelings while actually puking is way different from the feeling of creating sentences but the level of both feelings is same. One gives you immense unrest and disgust and the other is a tremendously exhilarating experience. Post-feelings are however the same in both cases. A sense of relief and craving for more raw materials is increased.

The beauty lies in the indigestion of the raw materials. If someone starts consuming then the outcome may be biased and tend to shift reader’s thought process. The writing is however (in my opinion) stands away from dictating people. It is supposed to make them ruminate generate a thought process and not to harness their brainwork.

Then Blogging and writing are two separate things for me. I do write often but I may not blog that often. I don’t want you guys to indulge in to rigmarole of my personal stuff. The reason is the same. My thoughts too get prejudiced sometimes. It’s often that many of the things about which I write have an ending with conclusive ideas which are non-interactive. I don’t want my blog to be a futile effort. I want it to be animated instead of defunct. I want radio instead of tape recorder – TV instead of VCR – internet rather than a stand alone computer.

The Winter’s First Night October 16, 2008

Posted by muddleheaded in Music, Personal Experiences.
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6 comments

Winters are here at last. I realized it last night when I was coming back home. The moon was at its full and I could feel the same old stillness and chill in the atmosphere which is characteristic of winters in Pakistan. I simply love it. On reaching home, I had dinner with Aloo Gobhi (Potatoes / Cauliflower hotchpotch kind of thing) and by the time I reached inside my room, something had already happened. Actually its winters that happened to me at that very moment in its true meaning. I felt a very strong craving for music – something from 80’s was direly needed – reached out for my library and began searching for some of my very prized CDs. I use my computer hard disk for saving my music which I listen to everyday as I want music to be available whenever I need it at the shortest notice. So I started putting CDs in the drive… one… two… three… four… copied around 80/90 songs by artists like Aha, Climie Fisher, Carole King, Survivor, Foreigner, Air Supply, and Eurhythmics – not to mention their Urdu contemporaries like Nazia / Zohaib and Asha / Kishore. I put the music on but kept the volume to such a low level that I could only get to listen to the lyrics – didn’t want to break the silence and stillness which was prevailing in the atmosphere. 80’s music is made for winters. The keyboards, the strings, the percussions – everything hits right at our heart – yet the simplicity of compositions and lyrics is never compromised. I lighted a cigarette when Climie Fisher’s “Love Changes everything” played and fell in love with it once again – remembering when I was a kid and this music wasn’t available in the shops generally and I used to steal my cousin’s cassettes to listen to it. I like 80’s music because may be I am born in the very first year of the decade and I grew up listening to this kind of music and it brings nostalgia to me whenever I listen to it now. But even then I guess it is the best music that has ever been written. I kept listening until I was asleep and switched it off in some later hour of the night – I don’t even remember when it was. The first night of the winters went very well.

P.S. Here are few links to Youtube Videos to some of the great songs of history:

Is this love by Survivor

It’s too late by Carole King

Making love out of nothing at all by Air Supply

Sweet dreams are made of this by Eurhythmyics

I want to know by Foreigner

Tu hay wohi by Ahsa / Kishore

Disco deewanay Nazia Hassan

I hope you will enjoy them all… :)

 

One Day Excursion Turned Out to be a Great Experience [Episode-II] October 15, 2008

Posted by muddleheaded in Travel.
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5 comments

This post is the sequel to “One day Excursion Turned Out to be a Great Experience [Episode-I]“

The route to the valley is devoid of trees or any greenery. For almost an hour of drive we saw nothing but the crushers eating up the dry and rocky mountains along the road. The slope is not too steep but it is continuous and the river flows continuously way down deep inside kind of an abyss, far from the edge of the road in the opposite direction. As we moved further in to the valley, the mountains started getting covered with thick vegetation. The autumn was taking away the green color from the shrubs in the valley. It seemed like a huge oil painting canvas laid down in front of us, so beautifully painted in green, yellow, brown, mustard, red and I don’t know how many colors. Deep down the valley, far from where the bus was crawling, there the river Neelum was flowing like a huge emerald green serpent whose head and tail we couldn’t see. The sight was breath taking.

River Neelum flowing Deep Down in the Valley

River Neelum flowing Deep Down in the Valley

When we reached “Kundal Shahi”, our night stop over, it was already dark. We had left Muzaffarabad at around 1230 HRS and it took our five to six hours to reach here, pertaining to the slow moving bus and the terrain of the area. People of the town had already disappeared inside their abodes. We saw only few guys near Madni Hotel, where we have been referred to by the bus driver as his guests. The kitchen of the hotel had almost been closed but we were treated specially by the owner and he got food for us to eat and later provided us a room at the back of the hotel. The night was very comfortable as compared to the day. The door to our room opened towards the river and at that particular place it was too noisy and it was making the environment, sort of dramatically frightening. But among all this we managed to sleep early.

We did not have the chance to see the surroundings as it was dark yesterday, so we started exploring the nearby points by foot. The first place to go was the river. Here it flows very close to the level of the land. We could have dared to enter in to the water but the prevailing insecurity regarding the depth of the river prevented us against any such venture and we relied on just dipping our feet in it. It was freezing cold. The town of Kundal Shahi or I must say village is beautiful in its own way. The soil is golden brown in color and especially in autumn the grass dries and turns it more husky and shiny. It contrasts with the emerald green water of the river exquisitely. As we did not have any kind of luggage and we already had checked out from the hotel, so we left Kundal Shahi by foot. While we were moving upstream the river, we saw a bus crawling up from the town and we availed the opportunity. The driver took us to the next stop with in an hour.

“Athmuqam” is the sub-divisional headquarter of this area. It contains all the civic services to a certain extent like hospital, post office, bank, a telephone exchange and a few small bazaars. If you need anything then you must buy it from here because this is the last stop where you can find reasonable commodities in quantity as well as in quality. Apart from the fact that this valley town is very unique in its beauty with respect to the other places we had yet visited, it is also significant as it marks the beginning of control line with Indian Held Kashmir in Neelum Valley. You can see people across the river with similar faces, same outfits, and of same creed and most probably from same families but no body can go beyond the control line. The loved ones are separated from each other for quite many years, even now after the establishment of cease fire line. They can see each other across the line but can never touch or communicate in any way.

Suburbs of Athmuqam

Suburbs of Athmuqam

We came out of the town and wandered around for an hour or so, capturing the scenic beauty of the river and the surroundings. People were working in the farms. It seemed they just had harvested the seasonal crop. We took a jeep and moved further. On our way we came across a small bridge which was made over a small stream crossing the road from north-west to south-east. A few houses were constructed nearby but now abandoned by the owners. The tin roofs were battered and had holes in them. A passer-by villager told us that a few months before the cease fire between India and Pakistan, there used to be a lot of shelling from the border side and the residents had moved to nearby villages in order to be in peace.

We reached “Sharda” around 2 hours before sunset. The sun sets early when you are in mountains. Sharda is yet another small town which spans on the both banks of the river. The major part of the town lies across the river and is connected with the Neelum Road by a beautiful long wooden suspended bridge. The town has a small shopping market which offers local handicrafts and households.

A View of Sharda Town

A View of Sharda Town

Towards the heightened portion of the town on the adjacent hill, there lie some ruins of an ancient Buddhist University and The Sharda Temple. The area is under control of Pakistan Army and they don’t allow the visitors to peep in to the ruins for more than a specified time and that too under continuous supervision. But we somehow managed to reach right in the middle of the ruins beside guard soldiers continuous scolding us. As specified on the information board there, it was built in reign of Kanshak-I in 24 to 27 Century BC. But my later research on Sharda Temple revealed some other interesting facts.

The exact date of building the Sharda Temple could never be ascertained but according to historians it must have been somewhere in 3000 BC when Saraswat Aryans settled in the Neelum Valley (Kishanganga Valley). The temple was built in the name of the Hindu goddess “Sharda” which is considered as another form of the goddess Saraswati. As “Brigadier Rattan Kaul” states, “The goddess Sharda represents matrix of the universe displaying in her hands; jar full of nectar, book signifying learning, rosary signifying subtle nuances of universe, source of Upanishadic knowledge and three Shakti’s {Trimurtis} known as Saraswati, Lakshmi and Iswari”. Since the ancient times till to date the place is visited by enormous number of pilgrims for religious purposes. But according to certain sources the place has also been the epicenter of knowledge and wisdom during Brahinism and later Buddhism era in the subcontinent. There has been an ancient university, The Sharda University where diverse subjects like Spiritualism, Astrology, Literature, Medicine, Mathematics, Arts, Architecture and Linguistics were taught. This was the time when Sharda Script was developed. It is the same script which had been used to write ancient Mahabharata.

//pbase.com

The Sharda Temple from Inside [Courtesy of http://pbase.com

The local people told us that there is a huge statue of Gautama Buddha in a long cave somewhere inside the mountains. But the place can not be accessed because of the security. It is opened once or twice every year only for the Buddhist pilgrims to visit. The visit to Sharda proved to be very interesting and informative. On the way back from the ruins we were just imagining ourselves 5000 years back on the same land which, in many ways, was better developed than many of our present day cities, in terms of knowledge and spirituality. It was the land of goddesses and statues and miracles and beautiful architectural designs.We remained awed for quite some time during our trip.

Continued…

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. October 8, 2008

Posted by muddleheaded in People, Personal Experiences.
Tags: , , , ,
9 comments

I can not make anybody to stop what they are saying. I let them say whatever they want to say. I am just here in this world to listen to people and even my own opinion doesn’t matter to me, so how can I insist upon it for somebody else.

How the day starts, what it brings during its course and how it’s going to end? You can never know. And in my case I feel it’s a little more unpredictable. I started the day with zeal and to add in it more, my boss got happy with me for I don’t know what reason. He told me that whatever I was doing, I was working in the very right direction and I should keep it up. Everybody at office takes his this kind of remarks as tremendous praise. So I too felt myself at the height of confidence and self esteem. As a result, I worked all day like a dog and didn’t feel any trace of weariness until pack up. I came back home late and while I was entering my house, at my doorstep, my cell rang and guess what – its like – my dream came true. I got a call from S which I was longing for the past 6 months. We talked a lot about this and that and my emotional level rose from happy to ecstatic. But then he asked me something which was to be the motive of the decline in my emotional level of happiness from contention to depression or even down below later. He didn’t even listen to what I had to say about the matter and picked me out in the middle of myself – blamed me for not being wise, protective and at a giving end – gave me thousands of advices about what is love actually although in the beginning he told me that I was wise enough to need any advices and he was just going to give me some suggestions. In the beginning I wanted to tell him all of it as a friend, to share some bad feelings and later I wanted to tell him because I just wanted to prove myself right, but he wasn’t ready to listen on both occasions. So finally – failed in my objective – I decided to wind up the conversation. It didn’t end well.

Later the conversation kept echoing in my head and I ended up pulling out all the memorable and unmemorable things out of my head and out of my closet. Kept thinking and kept looking at the things – going down and down. I was perturbed too much deep when I got another call from A. I could hardly utter out a meek hello. He got that something is wrong – kept asking me what’s new? and stupid questions like that. May be he was expecting same cheery of myself like I always have been with him but I was not like an entertaining creature at that time at all. So bored because of my attitude he cut off the call. I sent him a simple message containing a question mark. He replied that there was some network error so the call couldn’t go on n bla bla bla… I got the point so I sent, “bored of me?” and the reply was predictable and I don’t like predictability in life.

I inferred two results from it, either both of them are applicable or one of them at least at a time. The first one might be lame for you guys but its true; people who you call and take as friends aren’t friends actually. Second; there are many types of friends. Some of them just for fun purpose, some with whom you have to be friends for the sake of carrying out your daily life tasks and very few of them are for discussing your problems. The later conclusion seems more objective in terms of applicability to the modern world.

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