Muddleheaded’s Weblog

Today, unexpectedly too early, I went out to have a walk cum cigarette break right after the aftari. As I was early today so apparently there was no one outside except some occasional crow flapping in the trees beside the street. It was strange for me at least. The place which used to be so crowded and full of life is dull and non-enchanting. There was a family going somewhere and trying to get a taxi. They were too quiet as well when I passed them by. May be the atmosphere affected them as well. Even the wind was not blowing. From the far end of the street was echoing the shrill sound of the Walls Ice-cream songs which seemed like the ballads sung by some cursing sorceress. Trees too seemed weird. All of that was sad in a very strange way. That was enough for my dismay and I cut my walk short – had some quick short puffs and came back home.

I tried to take a nap. While I was on bed two things caught my mind. One; I realized, out of nowhere, that all the girls and guys from Peshawar always use Yahoo as their primary instant messenger; while the most of the rest of Pakistan uses MSN. Our north always stands apart from the rest of the country in many ways – I don’t know why. Two; I realized that it’s been a while I had one of my phases of swinging moods. It took a while to remember; when was the last time I had been a victim of depression. Depression or I must say a lull period because I don’t like to be called depressed. It is certainly not depression. It’s just that I don’t feel like talking to somebody or even doing anything. But one thing is for sure, I am damn explicit in every form of art during that time. A river flows like a river should flow – unguided. But only a barrage can hold it for sometime until it gains enough potential to propel the blades of a hydro-electric plant. I am a river and I need a barrage.

I had already made a last note on today’s post but some events compelled me to write a little more and made the previously last note, the second last note. So here I am, back with the tick tick of the keyboard (I love it). I just came back from a reconciliatory meeting (courtesy of my friend F) with a newly made friend who became un-friended with me, due to stupid circumstances or because of my arrogance, a couple of months back. It went quite well. I know people don’t like to cut a sorry figure in front of anyone but frankly I like to make apologies to people. I like to make them happy. For if they are happy I am happy. And I guess I like to make people sad too. For if they are sad I am sad and I like to be sad. All in all, today – a good day became better for me as the night approached.